There are lots of blogs about leadership and many articles about the differences between leading and managing. My definition is not especially creative: managers are an important subset of leaders that not only have a clear vision for the direction of their team and organization, but also implement that vision by working with the folks they manage. Said differently, managers are leaders that break organizational goals into individually-sized work efforts. The efforts are structured to complement the knowledge of their team members’ skills, strengths, and weaknesses. Managers empower those workers to carry out that work so that the larger goal is realized. This generic description does not convey the deep appreciation that I hold for all leaders that manage people and especially for those that work hard to manage them well.
My numerous jobs as a younger person were filled with managers of varying skill levels. The movie theater where I worked in high school was operated by a great manager. He recognized that his employees were teenagers with short attention spans that worked for minimum wage. To help us succeed, he offered us very clear direction and patience with mistakes. There were more requirements on precision than I had previously dealt with in terms of inventory and dealing with handling money. He was kind and patient and helped me get it right. He also set firm boundaries about the tone of our interactions with customers, even the irritable ones, and set a good example by adhering to those boundaries himself. Plus, he let us watch all the movies we wanted for free when we weren’t on the clock – a definite perk.
A different sort of example was set by a manager of a team at a factory where I was responsible for filtering acid baths that were used for metal plating electronics components. My manager was the lead chemist that kept to himself and was disengaged from that day to day goings on. He would emerge from his work area when things went wrong, such as when I spilled a chemical bath after getting acid on my exposed skin. As is the case for a lot of well-educated intelligent people, he assumed that what he knew was really just common sense. The idea that I wouldn’t have known about wrapping my lab gloves to my lab coat with special tape to prevent exposure was incomprehensible. The work involved many small detailed procedural steps that were not written down. I was trained for a few days and then set loose to figure things out, which had results that are humorous in hindsight but were not at all funny at the time. I didn’t last long at that job for a few reasons, and I think most of them could have been resolved with a manager that followed the example of my movie theater boss.
My experience as an employee and a manager, as well as the experience of others tells me that the effective management is a product of a few ingredients that are simple to list, but can be extremely challenging to put into practice. All of those ingredients really boil down to mindfully caring for your team members.
Caring for the team you manage
When you choose to manage a team, you are taking on a role that requires a commitment of time, energy, and awareness. Caring for your team means that you work to perceive each member as an individual with their own skills, strengths, weaknesses, and needs, and tasking them in accordance with those traits. You may not “like” individual team members in the sense that you connect with them on common interests. Caring is an active verb – you actively and deliberately set your team members up for success. I do this through regular assessment of how much and what type of engagement a member needs to stay on track and with regular feedback on things that work and don’t work. Further, I try to tailor my communication style so that the message I am trying to convey lands effectively by finding anchors and avoiding triggers.
I had an employee with whom I had absolutely nothing in common. Their values and temperament were at odds with my own, so there was not a lot of ease in our relationship, which can sometimes help smooth out work-related challenges. Over a period of time, I learned that they needed very clear, specific lists of instructions and weekly check-ins in order to be a good contributor to the project. Feedback had to be delivered very thoughtfully to achieve desired outcome as opposed to inciting needless conflict. Over the next months we worked hard to improve their skills and ability to reach completion on their tasks, and there was definite growth. It was ultimately not sufficient for their role, but when we parted ways, we were both able to accept it knowing that it was not due to personal differences. We were not friends, but I did my absolute best to care for them by holding them accountable in a clear and kind manner. In the end, the reality was that employee and the role were not a good match. That employee departed and is doing a job that aligns much better with their skills and values.
I have also had the “dream employee” that requires very little management. I am no different from others – I find it much easier to work with the self-directed, self-motivated rock stars that really do not need managing. They require a different approach, making sure they are celebrated for their hard work while giving them space to manage themselves. Being a caring manager requires us to see an individual’s needs and treat them accordingly.
Mindfulness as the Gateway to Caring
I wrote previously about the Pause as a tool for mindful leadership and this is a case where I have found it to be a game changer. Day-to-day management can demand a lot from us mentally as we solve problems that arise, but also emotionally as we solve those problems remembering that the people involved are not tools to be used, but need compassion and empathy as well as celebration for their efforts. We will never be perfect and will struggle during difficult times to respond to others’ needs as we would like. Nonetheless, Pausing before speaking or reacting puts space between ourselves and the situation, allowing us to step back and depersonalize whatever is happening. Taking ourself out of the situation allows us the ability to ask the simple questions:
- Do I understand the need being expressed by my team member? If not, how can I clarify their need?
- How can I convey that I support the need being expressed, whether or not I can meet it?
- How can I meet their expressed need partially or fully?
- What is the next step?
Note that I am probably Pausing between each of these questions and monitoring my emotions to minimize the amount of my own emotional baggage that I am bringing to the situation. I find that this approach works for situations that are low stakes and straightforward as well as complex situations with multiple decision points. Note that a lot of needs are not expressed explicitly. My team member was expressing a need for more structure by not completing their assigned tasks. By Pausing, I recognized that the best way to meet the needs of the project was to respond to this unexpressed need and to provide regular check-ins and task lists, despite my emotional reaction that wanted to label them as incapable of getting things done.
Values over Emotional Reactivity
A core belief of mine is that all people want to contribute and that they are doing their best at any time given their skills, strengths, weaknesses, and personal situation. That doesn’t mean they are in the right role, but it does give me space to offer them empathy and compassion. The Pause allows me the space to return to my values instead of simply reacting from anger, fear, or simply the desire to remove an uncertainty.
Our values and principles are the foundation of being good leaders.
Sean M. R. Crowell 